Thursday, March 17, 2011

Outside of my comfort zone...

I have a really hard time not pulling my weight. Example: I am a stay at home mom. My husband busts his ass at work to bring home money for us to spend on bills and food and zee child. What do i do? I take care of the house, yes... but i don't EARN for our family. At this point, until we can get insurance for Maz, i can't get a job even a one day a week part time job. If we earn any more money, she looses medicaid. This drives me batty.

I have this really great friend, and in may she is taking me to see Glee Live. I am SO excited about this!!! getting time to spend with my friend SANS husbands or kids and just us being girls. the bad part? i have no way to repay her other than cooking dinners. this makes me feel so UGH inside.

I got my first real job when i was 14. Newspaper delivery. every single day, rain or shine. it was hard, it gave me money to save for my first car, and i became addicted to working. i had a job from then til 2 years ago. Now i sit at home with my child. Yes, i clean the house, pay the bills, cook the meals, do the shopping... people say it IS work. being a stay at home mom is the hardest job. and it is. but without bringing home something to CONTRIBUTE, i feel like a failure.

I know i shouldn't, but i do... and it sucks.

Awesome friend wants to take me to a concert in two weeks. she says don't worry about anything, but i do. I really do. I wish i could fix that feeling. Friends do things like that for friends. and one day i WILL be able to repay her. Maybe a mom's only weekend or something. I'll think of something.

headache setting in... need coffee... damn you sweet, SWEET caffeine!

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly how you feel about the not contributing part. Not seeing a pay check at the end of two weeks with an amount that tells me what my "work" is worth is hard.
    As for Glee...there is no repaying. We are friends and I expect nothing in return except your friendship. Don't make me punch you in the neck :)